YES I CARE!

To the laptop I go with coffee in hand, I am thinking about my mother this morning as she is walking about the house talking to herself over the TV. My mom is in moderate stage Dementia. I didn’t want her to go to a nursing home but my family also knew that she can’t stay home alone in her country home. She has been living with me for a while now. I work in healthcare so for many years I have worked with Dementia and know how hard it is on family and caretakers.

I know that I get so frustrated at times when she repeats over and over for the 100th time, makes fun of the TV, cusses about me, and the list goes on. I have to step back and regroup then come back because if I didn’t I would be yelling and cursing over something she will not remember five minutes later. I won’t lie, some days I will make a snap, rude remark to her now and again, but then feel so guilty and walk away to another room. I am human! I am not perfect! I make mistakes!

A person who takes care of a loved one needs to know they are not perfect! We have to just try to always step back and regroup. It is a hard thing to do I know and it does wear heavy on the caretaker listening to the horrible things being said about them if they are the family member taking care. We must always just try to remember it is the disease, even if we were treated wrongly in our lives growing up with certain things said, we still should only remember it is the disease and they will not even remember five minutes later.

A caretaker needs to have a break because if you don’t, you will become burned out very quickly. People think that Dementia is a quick disease, but in actually can last for many years with each stage. We all want the best for our loved ones, but we must take time for ourselves or we will become the unhealthy one. Make sure that you have someone who would be willing to relieve you in order to get a small break.

I will say something that really irks me is those who want to post things on Facebook, tell people, show old pictures of loved ones and say how much they love them, making others feel sorry for them about their family member. If you really care for your loved one then you would take time to see them, call or take them out. Just because they are forgetful doesn’t mean that they don’t like going for a car ride, out to eat or doing something physically active. Feeling guilty? WELL GOOD, YOU SHOULD!!! I will add another thing that is said, “Well it runs in the family so you will probably get it”. Uh NO!! I refuse to say that! What I will say is, “No this disease stops with me because I will not accept negativity, but the words of my Lord, With His stripes I am healed!!” Amen! Isaiah 53:5 but he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. It says ARE and I am believing in the word of my Lord.

There are approximately over 50 million people with Dementia in the world today and the number seems to continually increase. Some say it is inherited, some say our toxic world, who really knows for sure. If you would like to know more about Dementia there are numerous pages on the web to read or if you like real books (like Me) there are many written. Each person acts differently so what you read you may say yes to some of it and no to other parts.

A couple of examples of my mother: I keep a decent house but in her mind it is always dirty! When she was a little girl, my grandmother was dying of kidney failure but would clean hotel rooms. Sometimes my mother (12 yrs.’ old) would have to help her clean. The floor in my kitchen is of different kinds of earth tones, but in her mind it is stained and horribly dirty. She may sweep and mop the floor several times a day because she feels I am a lazy person who doesn’t do anything, but mostly it is a behavior because of the constant cleaning she did from when she was little. She spends much of her time in the kitchen from the time she gets up until I get home from work.

She will continually try to say that I am stealing her money and that she buys all the groceries in the house, but that I steal them out and take to one of my daughters. In actuality she is constantly making things and then saying that she isn’t going to eat such slop or that the food is bad and then will throw away or flush down the toilet, or give to her cats. It is hard to swallow such meanness at times when I know that I do clean and I pay for her groceries, clothing and needs because I have a job and use my own money.

Thank you to my children who try to keep me positive when all is negative with reminders saying, “Mom you are doing the best that you can and you should not feel guilty”. While I do get down and feel guilty at times, I know that in my heart I am doing my best! I know that I have taken her in my own home to love and care for her without wanting nothing and to keep her from going to the nursing home for now!

One more thing before I end my diary entry, if you are dealing with loved one and going through a rough time, please feel free to email me! We would love to pray for your and your family, share stories or just to let you know that I love you and can relate to what you are going through.

God Bless